"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawwiage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... " You have to love Princess Bride.
I have been doing a lot of Marriage Counseling lately, and I have noticed that the majority of conflict I have seen has stemmed from miscommunication. Everything we do communicates something to our partners. When I come home and throw my pants on the living room floor, even after being asked 1,000 times by Michelle not to, I'm communicating something to her. The message she hears may not be the message I intend to send, and these types of miscomunications have been the cause of many a marriage failure.
I usually ask the guys how they communicate love to their partners. I get a variety of answers from keeping the cars full of gas to "Ess EEE ecks", if you get my drift. Then I'll ask the women how they communicate love. I get answers like doing laundry, raising kids, cooking dinner etc. Then I ask each of them how they think their partner HEARS love. I am usually met with silence.
I would like to ask those that read this blog to answer those questions. I am curious to know what y'all think.
First Skiing Adventure!
4 years ago
10 comments:
o.k. Ty here you have it
I show love to my husband Topher many ways one being I pack his suitcase for him every sunday night and leave a note in there for him usually tucked away in his garms or shirt sleeve or pant pocket! (even thought I didnt do it this sunday I still Love you Toph!)
I'm a little stumped on the HEARS LoVe I Know I till my hubby I Love him a thousand times a day and that i think he is the best and how awesome he is at his job! I Know my husband really likes to hear these and so i guess that is what you want maybe explain that one to me!
Thanks for the insight on marriage counseling! wow that was a realy long comment!
Oooookay Mr. Therapizer - here are my answers:
I communicate love to you ... I guess I have the generic answer, because I would DEFINITELY say all the damn work I do around here ... ya know ... laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, kids, bills, laundry - did I say laundry? :)
I would say you HEAR my love through ... back and foot tickles, text messages, special treats, dates, and meeting for lunch. Am I close?
You communicate love to me by telling me that you love me lots, compliments, and helping around the house(this is ESPECIALLY communicative :)). And .... hahahaha - that's how I HEAR love. So - hmmmm - interesting.
Okay, therapist - now you can analyze ... how's our marriage?
;) love you so much, babe! Thanks for all you do.
T-
My wife pointed me to this post tonight. I must say that it is quite interesting. Very insightful frankly. One highlight was explaing to melisa what "Ess EEE ecks" is.
Before I answer the question, I would like to offer some encouragement to you to continue to post such insightful posts. I enjoyed reading it very much. I think that you are a wealth of insight and love it when you share. If you ever need me to share some nerdery, let me know.
On to the answers....
I show love to my wife in a lot of ways. Sending her flowers when I am away working. Helping around the house whenever I can able. Being at her beck and call. Spending every second from plane-to-plane on the weekends with her. Mostly I just try to maker her proud of me. She is truly my motivation in all I do. If it were not for melisa coming into my life, I would probably still be an auto parts driver, rather than a constultant working on a freakin huge project.
How does she hear my love? I hope from the prayers I send her way. I hope she feels the warmth of me being with her when I am away. We are a team regardless if we are together or there is 600 miles between us.
Please keep up the great inspirational posts!!!!
Go Cougars!!!
Topher
Now if I was married I would have lots of things to say...but since I am not I will just learn from other. :) I also enjoy reading these kinds of post.
Love you guys!
Wow! How thought provoking!
I communicate love to Michael in a lot of ways. First - I say it. A lot. Everyday. I show it by doing things that will make him happy.
I think he hears it when I say it =D (He always replys!) and can hear it as I follow him around like an adoring puppy (although that kind of makes him laugh). He also hears it as we have fun together as a couple and as a family.
I could go on for days about how I hear love from him. It drips off of everything he does! He is always doing things that show how much he cares about me. He is great.
Okay, I'll stop now! But thanks for the getting us to think about it! It makes me realize how much more I can do!!
you know, i didn't have to think at all. what's with those people you therapize anyway? i guess that's why they are in therapy, huh??
i show jer i love him by telling him and kissing him and loving him.... trying to understand all the market jargon, watching those silly movies that don't make sense to me but then i end of loving them because he does:) and of course a good romp. i'm pretty sure he hears it the same as i show it. he doesn't really care if the house is clean... so no pressure there. i clean it for my own sanity. i hear love from him when he is with me or texting me throughout the day. and of course a good romp never hurt anything. my biggest issue in life is that i hate to be away from him. so i need some therapizing there. any suggestions??
I'm with you Plonnie I really don't have to think to much of how I show my love to Tina and how she shows her love to me. First of all, we tell each other, many times a day. We end 95% of our phone conversations with I love You. I also will take the kids outside so she can get some work done on the house (or so she can take a nap). I also show her by listening to her. I've really been slacking on helping out cleaning the house, I'll have to work on that.
Tina shows she loves me by taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, feigning interest in my sports obsession, and listening to me when I have a bad day at work.
I hope she hears my love as I sit and listen to her and offer an understanding ear. I also hope she hears my love as I have tried REALLY hard to put my clothes away, which is very hard!!!!
(that's what she said)
-B
Laughing, inappropriate giggling, animal sounds, teasing and name calling. Lots of surprises and lots and lots of "ess eee ecks"
(Most of the really good house cleaning occurs when we are angry with one another.)
- Kent
I show love by telling her, planning dates, letting her pick out ingrown hairs, calling or texting throughout the day and lots of hugs and stuff. Sometimes the hugs and stuff will turn into more if the kids are asleep and im not. Thers also times I will try and get into the Hills or some other reality TV show, I guess we trade market stuff for reality stuff. "The market tanked today honey"....Well probably because Lauren broke up with Bobby and sally stole kristens cheerios causing sally $3 in write downs and leaving her begging for part of the bailout. We try and tie our interests together like that.
She hears love when I make her a treat at night, have a nice romp, clean something or plan a date for her. She also hears love by me watching BYU games with her. No REALLY Im SERIOUS, she loves watching the games with me. Lucky Me!!!!
-Jeremy
Very insightful blog.
I love all the comments. I guess Brent and I have done something right to have stuck it out these 36years! I don't think Brent will ever get that I CANNOT read his mind. That is the main source of miscommunication.
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